not yet having the words to describe the feeling; now i call it freedom

It was the start of spring in Ecuador, and I was alone in Quito. Solo travelling for the first time ever in my life, and terrified, but also so exhilarated by the possibilities for all of the adventure that could be had. I rented myself an apartment in the old quarter of Quito, ate cheesecake far too often, finalized the poems for my first book in a notebook I had carried with me all throughout my travels, kept working online and running programming from afar, wandered through the city’s gorgeous botanical garden, met up with solo female strangers online, and even caught up with a friend of mine from Ontario who happened to be in Quito at the same time as me. It was time of returning to life as an independent person, letting my “curiosity be greater than my fear” (Elizabeth Gilbert).

Day trip to Quito’s botanical garden where I stumbled across the brightest and most beautiful sunflower.

To Minca for the weekend, to see the butterfly’s, eat homemade falafel, journal away the evening, and bask in the humidity of the cloud forest.

Cotopaxi. One of the best days of my life. There are no words but freedom.

When I think about these days, I can now look back and say that the overarching feeling that I had during that time was freedom. Freedom to start a new chapter. Freedom to create the life of my dreams. Freedom to be whoever I wanted to be. Those days were the start of the transformation to where I am now, and as scared as I was, I think I knew it too. I now know, when you have the choice, go alone. When life provides you with the opportunity to get to know yourself in a whole new way, take it. Life is too precious and this human experience and the world too vast and wide to not live any differently.

Eating cheesecake. Climbing volcanoes. Staring in awe at incredible species of flowers. Taking myself on dates. Buying myself flowers for my desk. Burning wood in the wood stove to heat my apartment. Dancing on my patio unabashedly at sunset, not caring what the neighbours think of me. Eating the best chocolate ice cream of my life, over and over and over again. So many sweets.

Otavalo weekend trip. Poetry workshop with new friends! Quilotoa Lake where I met Juanito the alpaca and got mesmerized by the bright blue water and the backdrop of mountains.

All for now,

All my love,

Onward.

-m

(Written 04/27/2024)