the beginning of life on the road

It’s 9:06pm. The fairy lights are on while I sit here and write. Last night was the first real night of “van” life. We arrived into Killarney Provincial Park around midnight, way behind schedule from a day of goodbyes and errands to run, not to mention that it was also my 22nd birthday!

We’re driving in a 2008 Honda Fit called Fifi. She’s a small hatchback with a platform in the back that we had help from a family friend creating that extends when we put the seats forward for sleeping. There’s ample storage underneath the platform, along with a humongous roof bag that we installed on the top of the car. My favourite part of the home is the fairy lights. Copper coloured and twig-like, they hold tiny little lights on each end and shine a warm hue of light into the “bedroom”. Everything feels cozy with fairy lights.

Monday was a day of hard goodbyes and the beginning of a great adventure. I’ve lived in Southern Ontario my entire life. The last time I was out West, I was maybe eight. I’ve never seen mountains like this as an adult. I really might cry when I see them again, all grand and daunting.

Mountains are both beautiful and terrifying, two words that describe a few of my most special outdoor experiences. Beautiful in that the landscape of the natural world around me was so magical that I had moments of such deep gratitude to Mother Earth. Terrifying in that within those moments of deep gratitude, I recognized how small I am as a human being amidst the rest of the world and feel as though at any moment, Mother Earth could simply “shake off her skirt” and the earth would continue on.

Not yet, she whispers to me. Not quite yet.

This morning we woke up to the sun peeking through our curtains, blue skies, and a crisp fall morning. After a brief moment of “morning granola bars with Micaela” where I satiated my morning hunger pangs with an almond granola bar and patiently waited for real breakfast to happen, we wandered around the park to find a better spot for the night to park our car. After some deliberation, we chose site #13. It’s farther down the path of sites and a little bit more secluded from the road. Today was hiking day. We walked the 3km out and up, 6km loop in total, to The Crack, arguably Killarney Provincial Park’s most famous day hike with stunning views and some fantastic rocks to climb.

I’d done the hike once before with my baby sister two summers ago…in the pouring rain. This was way different of an experience, with the sun shining down on us as we hiked and chatted. After a few moments of taking in the view from the top of The Crack and both eating our peanut butter and banana sandwiches, we hiked back out, light on our feet, ready to drive back to our site for an evening of hot chocolate and Sidekick’s Fettuccini Alfredo.

Tomorrow we get back on the road and drive into Sudbury to run some errands, get groceries, and go visit my cousin at his lodge, Pine Falls Lodge to be exact. I’m excited to see my cousin and visit, but honestly, I’m really looking forward to putting some distant between me and Southern Ontario. The moment I cross the border into Manitoba, I think I’ll finally realize this truly isn’t just a weekend camping trip anymore. Until then, I’m grateful for this moment and I’m grateful to have the ability and freedom to be able to travel in this way at this time.

//

Will I ever get used to the deep feeling in the pit of my stomach that calls out for a place that was once my home? I am learning to find refuge within my wandering soul; an urge that calls out deeper to me than any sense of safety or security. I don’t have the answers yet and maybe I never will. I am living in the moments in between. Snuggling up with the calm and peaceful parts of myself, feeling the weight of the underbelly of a tidal wave.

 The water is washing over me, all around me, all within me. It’s time to go to sleep.

 All for now,

 All my love,

Onward.

-m